Goodbye, Goodnight
by harryginny1
Summary: A tragic moment catapults Harry and Ginny into oblivion. Can they survive together, or is their future doomed to fail?


Goodnight, Goodbye

I can hardly see you as you fold your blue sweater that I love and put it into your bag. The tears swim in my eyes, but I say nothing, trying to hold them in as I watch you. You turn and walk past me into the bathroom, never looking at me, and return with your toothbrush and razor and lay them in your bag as well. I've become invisible to you. Nothing.

I'm paralyzed. I can't move, I can't say anything, can't even whisper. My throat is constricting and my limbs are numb. My reason for living is leaving me. This thought forces my eyes closed and my head to swim with the realization.

_I'm sorry_… I think for the millionth time since it happened. All I see is pink, she loved pink. I bury my head in my hands and sob silently for her, for me…for you.

How can it be true that I'll never be held by your arms again? Be kissed by your lips, never see your smile again or hear you whisper in my ear in the middle of the night? Can things between us change this quickly? I am living proof that they can.

In the snap of a finger, our lives have been destroyed beyond recognition. Where there was love, now there is only pain.

You can't forgive me for what I've done and I will never forgive myself.

I took her to the park that day to play. She was so excited about the special dinner that we were going to prepare for your birthday that evening. We talked about everything we had to do that afternoon as we chatted in the car. She must have gone down the slide twenty times that morning, smiling all the while, so happy. Always so happy.

I bought her a giant pink balloon at the park, and she couldn't take here eyes off of it as she licked her chocolate ice cream cone. She promised that she wouldn't tell you that I allowed her to have ice cream before dinnertime, and we smiled our secret smile.

We laughed as we talked about you that day. She said that she loved the crinkles that your eyes made when you smiled – I said that I loved the feel of your hair as I ran my hands through it. We went on and on talking about things we loved about you, and neither of us ran short of them. We giggled about how there were so many things about you to love and how happy we were that we would get to celebrate them all with you that night for your birthday.

She was eager to make a card for you and list all of the things she loved about you as soon as we got home.

I took her hand as we headed back to the car. She was looking up at her pink balloon. She missed the curb and lost her balance a little, letting go of the balloon as she did. I let her hand go for just a second and leapt for the balloon that was rising quickly into the air when I heard it.

I'll never forget the squeal of the brakes and the bone chilling screams. I turned to grab her hand when saw her lying there in the street. She was still, so still. I went to her and took her in my arms and held her. I brushed back her hair and kissed her cheek and rocked her until the ambulance got there.

I raised my head to pray to God, and saw her pink balloon disappear into the clouds.

The days that followed were the worst of my life. The funeral, the crowds of people all making small talk and trying to comfort me. I wanted to tell them that all of their words were useless. Nothing they could say would make a difference to me. The only person I wanted comfort from was the only one not giving it to me. You. You hadn't spoken a word to me since it happened. Not one word.

You didn't want to know what happened, didn't want an explanation. Nothing. Silent and cold. I tried to talk to you, to touch you, to hold you. Nothing.

Today, you took out your suitcase and started packing your things. In silence. First I lost my child, then I lost my husband. I have nothing. I am nothing.

You put your last pair of socks into your bag, close and zip it. You hoist it off of the bed and turn to me, facing me finally.

I stand and wait - anxiously, expectantly…hopefully. You look at me and then cast your eyes down, shaking your head. You turn and leave me standing there all alone. In silence.

Goodbye, Harry. I loved you.

I think of my baby as I lay in the warm water of the bathtub. I sink down to my neck and close my eyes. I wonder what's she's doing now, and hoping that she is having fun in heaven, that someone is up there taking care of my baby until I can get there myself and hold her again.

I never meant to hurt her, my sweet Lily. She was my sun and my moon. I just wanted to get the balloon for her, I knew how upset she'd be if she'd lost it. I didn't want her to cry.

Now, I'm the one who cries all the time for her, my beautiful girl. But, Mommy will see you soon, Lily. I'm almost there with you.

I peek through my lashes and see the clear water turning pinker and I know that I've done the job well. My wrists sting, which I take as a good sign. I hope it's fast.

My mind flashes back to all of the good things that have come and gone in my life: my parents, my school years, flying in the orchard with my brothers, meeting you and falling in love with you. Having our baby girl and watching her grow. All wonderful, happy memories until the day our baby was taken from us.

Now, there's nothing.

I'm in a sea of pink. And you're running to me, my Lily. I sweep you into my arms and hold you tight and whisper to you, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

You laugh and call me silly. You put your hand in mine and lead me into the field of flowers, and we stop to pick a beautiful, big pink peony, and you kiss me on the cheek. I run my fingers through your silky crimson ringlets and I close my eyes, a smile on my face as I fade away to a place where I can dream of you for eternity.


End file.
